CONTENT WARNINGS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE CARRD:
LINKS TO EXAMPLES OF NSFW CONVERSATIONS (18+ WARNING PROVIDED), TALK OF RACISM, GROOMING, RAPE, FETISHES, MENTAL ILLNESS, AND SUICIDE---LAST UPDATED ON 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022The intent behind this carrd is to make an attempt at bringing some form of closure to those that I have hurt by my harmful behavior, and hopefully relief/clarity to those confused by the words that have been spreading onlineThe following link does a good job of compiling the reasons why people have been hurt:
(I insist that you do not click the following link if you are under the age of 18. It's not required for context)documentNote: I suggest that you utilize critical thinking and take everything with a grain of salt - this document was written by someone who is (understandably) very emotion driven. There are several instances in which they move from the zone of providing evidence to the zone of speculation (assuming identities of people, claiming that I and others have motives based on pure assumption, etc) and foul language (insults, wishing upon my death, etc). I am linking it here because despite its shortcomings it does do a good job of providing evidence of the things I did in the past that I am not proud of and because many of the things discussed here respond directly to evidence presented in this document---I would like to start off with an apology for the things that I did do and hold myself accountable for:I recognize that at many times in the past I have acted in ways that are completely unacceptable of a person with such influenceMy biggest regret is affecting people younger than me with my sexually inappropriate and/or insensitive humor/storytelling/art through the years in order to get a reaction of shock laugh or/and attention up until about the age of 19 (I am 21 at the time of writing this)I hold myself accountable for causing trauma and disgust to people that have stumbled across my platform only to be met with me behaving in unacceptable ways in the presence of others - minors includedThe following screenshots are an example of some things I said on a public server in the presence of minors (15+) when I was 19 years old:(Again, I insist that you do NOT click on the links if you’re under the age of 18. I don’t want to expose any more minors to this sort of behavior)
SCREENSHOT
SCREENSHOT 2
(I'm "deleted user")As pointed out by others, I (age 14 to 17) engaged in sexually explicit conversations about my characters in the presence of other minors. While I was still a minor too at this time, I should have known that my influence made NSFW topics accessible to other minors and I made other minors think it was okay to behave like this, and I am very sorry to everyone I have affected by doing these thingsFrom age 18 to 19, it wasn’t explicit anymore, but still suggestive (think Rick and Morty, Bojack Horseman, etc). Back then, I had the flawed mindset of “If it’s suggestive but not explicit, it’s okay, because TV shows do that!” which is simply not true. It’s not okay. Whether or not I realized it, by doing these things, I was making it more normal for minors to be talking about things sexually like this. And that isn’t good
I apologize for not taking these matters seriously enough to utilize critical thinking to determine that, it is, in fact, harmful and part of the problemI should have known better. I should have done better. But I didn’t, and it’s important that I hold myself accountable for it instead of sweeping it under the rug. I am deeply sorry to everyone I have affected.If you’ve been personally affected by me and wish to talk about it, my email is always open:[email protected]Through the years, different situations/claims about my behavior have been brought up, next up are some sections addressing them separately, for there has been a lot of confusion that could use a response

LAST UPDATED ON 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022I'm going to try to keep the backstory short here because this will require some context:Very recently, I moved out on my own. It has been a big change for me, my whole life I have lived under the roof of my family, it's a pretty messy environment I've been raised in. My family, despite its flaws, isn't too bad. One of my parents on the other hand… Yeah. I've been raised by my own groomer. I’m grateful I have gotten out of that environmentBut anyways, I managed to move out. I've been busy sorting things out as a now caretaker of my disabled grandma and new cat when the recent documents dropped, so I pretended that it wasn't that big of a deal to cope with the stress of it, I did not even read any of them up until now. I just knew things from word of mouth - I thought to myself "It doesn't matter what other people think about me if I always try my best to bring happiness to myself and others in the present!" because while I have a strong awareness of the hurt that I have caused, I am also confident about my willingness to improve, alwaysI insisted "If someone wants an apology, I'm open for a private convo, they can come up to me"
I held onto it for what felt like a long time, and I'd be lying if I said I still didn't hold onto the desire for private conversations, but just one person has come up to me and during the weeks of silence words spread, which has been getting even more people hurt. I didn’t realize the scope of all of this until just a couple of days agoI'm not a mentally stable person (not saying this in a self-deprecating manner, I'm in therapy, diagnosed and on meds. Still got tons to work on and figure out), and my sense of self shifts to extreme degrees of bad/good (Even though objectively I'm literally just a normal human, not evil, not pure) so I will often act as if I am one of the two extremes. It's not pretty, but I've been doing a decent job at keeping it confined inside vent spaces (with occasional slip-ups, unfortunately. I’m not proud of it) The reason I bring this up is that this fact brought me to the belief that me saying anything about the situation would make everything worse. It is only through the convincing of my friends, and my own realization that my silence on the situation has made things worse, that me breaking the silence about this will hopefully have the ability to help people. I want to break the cycleI’ve also been silent because I have no interest in defending myself or my own ego, and I overall don’t really care about what people think of me, the issue that I want to help clear up is the suffering of others caused by all of thisNote: There's been a misconception about the comments being disabled all over my social media being me running away from the issue, however, this is not the cause
While disabling comments has also allowed me a short break from reading overwhelming comments, it was really because I genuinely get very distracted by reading comments from life tasks I need to complete. I have extreme executive dysfunction, and even before the documents were made, some might have noticed that the comments on Insta and Twitter were already disabled, so you can rest assured it isn't connected to the situation, despite the timing of it allComments will stay disabled everywhere until I get better at time managementAlso, leaving Twitter - that also has nothing to do with the current situation. I just don't like the website in general and the whole Elon Musk thing has been the final straw for me. There are people who will not believe this, but it is the truthI apologize for causing the misunderstanding that these things are connected to an admission of guilt

LAST UPDATED ON 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022Claims of me being racist have been going around the web since October of last yearA racist is someone that has some form of distaste or hatred towards those of different racesBy that definition, I can assure you that I am not and have never been racist
I strictly stand by this and that is not up to discussion
Racist people are among those that I feel the most disgust and hatred for. It’s sickening and unfair that people get mistreated because of their race, racist history is absolutely vile and what I believe to be the root of most suffering in the world
I request not to be associated with the excuse of humans that racist people areIf the concern is that I have said racially harmful things, however, I have things that I am not proud of that I admit to:I wish I had a word that describes my past self as accurately as “edgelord”. But I was quite the edgelord
This is not limited to me using the N-word in jokes 2 years ago, As stated earlier in the carrd, I made a ton of other insensitive jokes up until about the age of 19, even beyond racially harmful ones. Don't be surprised if something else from the past comes up, it will, I'm sure it will. Not even gonna sugarcoat or pretend that I was an angel. I wasn't and I'm still not, but I don’t say things like that anymore.Why did I do things like this?
Getting a shock laugh out of people out of the absurdity of how awful the things joked about were (“so bad it’s funny”)
The flawed mindset was that I was meaning to mock the hateful ones (whether it’d be characters or awful people) by utilizing words that, in a “parody context”, they would use. I got a dopamine rush from the attention, my parents didn't give me enough attention as a kid and I unintentionally made it everyone's issueLet me be clear when I say that as a white person, it’s not my place to reclaim these words in a joking context or ANY context, and I regret my actions terribly.Upon noticing my black former friend get genuinely upset over one of the jokes, it immediately hit me that there was Actual hurt caused by this kind of joke (I thought everyone was on it), I apologized privately and quit since thenTheir hurt still remains though, and I respect that
I respect people’s attempts to inform and prevent more people from being hurt by my harmful behaviorHowever, you can rest assured that in the past couple of years I’ve been fully aware of the impact, regardless of intention, of someone using humor at the expense of people that are different from them, especially when they make jokes involving race, a difference between people that has caused so much pain and suffering around the world for thousands of yearsI have further learned about how "punching down/punching up" in humor works in the past couple of years, so the likelihood of something like that happening again is zero. If despite this you speculate that I still might be doing it - I don't interact with people outside of my friend group either anymore, so it is very unlikely those words will ever reach you. My content is just mostly music videos, and a videogame that goes through several rounds of review by a team of somewhat diverse people coming from different backgrounds, so my content should be completely safe from harmful humor, if that is a concernI hold myself accountable for my carelessness with insensitive humor and for being a cause of distress to people of color. I'm sorry for making jokes at the expense of historically and currently systemically disadvantaged people. I have been part of the problem, and I apologize for that and more
I can assure you that I have no distaste towards anyone because of their race, despite what I communicated with my past actionsI managed the whole deal in a messy way, when I could have and should have just been straightforward and put my own hurt to the side. I wrote messy apologies and statements, I've been stubborn, immature, and avoidant on several occasions as a panicked attempt to prove to people that I am not racist, and while it is factual, this is not about me. This is about the pain I have added to the thousands of years of suffering of people of color, especially black peopleNote: This apology is not for you, white people. You are Not affected by this. Don't speak for other groups

LAST UPDATED ON 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022The grooming claims stand on a fabricated/bent foundation from the mouth of a compulsive liar. The user has also scammed me. And there is proof that comes from different sourcesBefore you click on the links, I want to stress that the user is still a minor (17) and that compulsive lying comes from a background of trauma more often than not
I am a believer that it’s in a minor’s nature to push boundaries to learn, and even if there is hurt involved, it should not be held against them their entire life
I am STRICTLY against any attempts of harassment toward this personI feel the following document does a good job of explaining the situation:
document 1If you still require more evidence that this person is not to be trusted, there is another document about them that has been made:
(This document contains sexually explicit conversations. I insist that you do not click if you are under the age of 18)
document 2Completely aside from this person’s actions, I do hold myself accountable for impulsively putting his social media link in the bio of my private Twitter with a snarky comment, that one's on me for assuming that the only people having access to the leak of my private Twitter account were the people involved in the makings of the various threads. I was wrong. It was very much more public than that. I apologize for making an impulsive choice based on an assumption. I have an audience and it’s important that I am careful with what I put online, even when I assume it’s privateBut still, please have the common sense not to harass people, c'monNote: It has been brought to my attention that there’s someone on Tiktok harassing and posting his personal information. I am strictly against this kind of behavior. As someone who has been personally affected by him, and I don’t know if the harasser will see this - I don’t see what you gain from this extremely childish behavior. Please stop immediately.

LAST UPDATED ON 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022I was raised by a sexually inappropriate parent; my first ex at the age of 13 used to put pressure on me to be sexual despite my repulsion; at 14, I met a pedophile that touched me inappropriately, and I ended up in an overall circle of people obsessed with rape. Talking about it in a fictional context would mean I would get praise and attention from peopleAs a product of that, in 2017 you get a 15-year-old with an audience who has ended up frequently joking, drawing, or talking about his characters in situations of sexual assault, incest, or things of the sort. Despite all of this, I have never supported real rapeImagine a 15-year-old CSA survivor getting called a rape fetishist by thousands of people
Rant videos, dogpiling, spamming, you name it. Age 15. Still living under the house of the abuser themselves. No friends outside of the internet. I was an object of ridicule. My trauma was none but juicy drama for the youtube views and entertainment
I forgive the minors, but there were several content creators that were adults and still thought it was okay to squeeze the situation out for content
It’s been years, however. I don’t really hold onto it. I don’t like holding grudgesI'm not excusing what I did and hold myself accountable for the hurt caused (trust me, there's like at Least 5 different apologies I have written in the span of like 6 years, and I can never forgive myself for it)I think this situation has been handled unfairly and has caused me trauma much more significant than all the sexual abuse put together

LAST UPDATED ON THE 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022Because of me joking about or mishandling topics in media, people nonconsensually push their sexual ideas of who I am on me, claiming that I have fetishes that I have never stated to have around themThe rape fetish claims I have already addressed in the other section, but people have been going around saying that I have a vore fetish due to jokes/art I’ve made
(Going off the art style, I’m assuming these were made around age 17)

There is no sexual background nor intention in any of theseWhile vore is a common fetish, it also exists outside of sexuality. I just wanted to make people shock/cringe laugh by making the same jokes that everybody else was making, some sort of gross-out humor (think farts in cartoons for kids)
(I don’t kink shame people with a vore fetish. If a fetish is consensual, safe, and adult I don’t give a damn about any fetish)People also often assign me a “piss fetish” because I joked about it in the same way as I used to joke about vore - once again, it was just supposed to be gross-out humorI hope you understand that claiming that someone is sexually attracted to something that hasn’t been stated feels physically violating. People obsessing and theorizing about my sexual life and tastes is CREEPY. It's none of your business. Cut it out. It's grossHowever, I do apologize for providing genuine discomfort through my jokes and art, I failed to pay enough attention to notice that the shock of it was beyond a light-hearted cringe-laugh. Unfortunately, it was not communicated to me, but if someone told me, I would have apologized light-speed. Making people Genuinely uncomfortable is not what I want to doThankfully, I know a lot better when it comes to time and place as I have grown up, in life we’ll always make people uncomfortable by accident and that’s not exclusive to me, but personally, I’m definitely paying more attention to it now, it will not be an issue in the future

LAST UPDATED ON THE 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022It has happened multiple times in my life that my head approaching the suicidal state has made it out in public (sometimes by my own doing), which has (understandably so) concerned peopleRecently, I have got really near that state, I have made a mention of it in my private Twitter's description, discord status, and I have vented about it in a videoI found out that people have been speculating it’s an attempt to guilt trip and scare people. Straight-up claiming that it’s just because of the situation onlineI understand that because of the timing of it all, it makes sense to draw the connection between my mental health and the current situations online, but I can assure you that my recent relapse had more to do with everything surrounding my moving out. The internet was just a little cherry on topI suffer from a chronic case of depression that takes most enjoyment away from my life, I have a life outside of the internet. You don’t know me personally

This is not an okay thing to say
Coming from someone that has said a lot of things that aren’t okayI am sorry for scaring people. I am really trying my best, and I can promise that I will do my absolute best to no longer make public comments about my mental state when I am feeling suicidal to prevent people from being scared and worried about me, but my art will likely continue to have themes of suicide and depression as creating is an emotional outlet for me. While I cannot control this, I request that you refrain from theorizing and speculate on my ventsYou can rest assured that I have a wonderful group of friends and family who are taking care of me. I do not want the general community to worry about me

LAST UPDATED ON 11TH OF DECEMBER 2022I am a public example of what happens when a platform is given to an unsupervised minor - I was 14 when I first became "relevant" and I was at my peak at 15, I'm 21 now, so I've had my fair share of controversy and fuck ups for I have grown up in front of the eyes of thousandsI have learned things for sure, and I got tons to learn still! But the process of learning requires a lesson first - normally, people have these life lessons in relatively small circles of people, but unfortunately, I was/am much more influential than that, and therefore I ended up dragging far too many people into my learning curve, which has caused tons of hurt and trauma for both parties. And saying that I feel sorry is an understatementI have been immature and my behavior can be very emotion driven, I freak out and go into a black/white thinking mode with much ease. I have over and over again been irresponsible around the presence of other people
This is something that I acknowledge, and that is the reason I've been closing off more and more from social media.
I've been trying to keep it art-only and avoiding public interactions as much as possible, no interactions in the Doll Eye Discord Server either, plainly and simply: shuttin the hell up! In addition to learning from my past mistakes and not repeating them, I think it’s about all I can do to minimize the hurt I have caused to the worldI do not plan on leaving nor canceling my projects until I get bored of it on my own terms, so if you're looking forwards to my departure, I'm sorry 😅 not going to happen. Not anytime soon. I think the mindset of throwing everything away as a result of past mistakes is a counterproductive mindsetCreating art brings me joy, other people’s creations bring me joy, and my goal with the public presence of my creations is expanding on that joy. Because the world could use a little more of it. If my content brings you quite the opposite (which is understandable based on all of the negative associations you may have with it at this point because of my actions) there’s plenty more that you can enjoy out there, and I would encourage you to find what makes you happyThank you for caring enough to take the time to read all this, I am sorry for all of the hurt this situation and past ones have caused, and I take on the promise that I’ll never stop working on self-improvementBefore you move on with your day, I encourage you to do a short meditation to clear up your mind from the overload of negativity. Here are some generic links:MEDITATION FOR STRESS
MEDITATION FOR ANXIETY
MEDITATION FOR FRUSTRATION
MEDITATION FOR THOUGHTS PREVENTING YOU TO SLEEPIt's clichè, but it's going to be okay. Humans are resilient and will always do whatever they can to place themselves back in a place of comfort, no matter how many negative things they'll encounterIt is my hope that this carrd could bring some form of closure to those I have hurt and/or redirect people to their final judgment on the situation (I will respect it either way!)Go do something that makes you feel good! You come first
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